Rapport and Support

I just finished today's trading activities, and its performance was not good at all in terms of profit. Rather, I lost more money that I thought I would. Besides, if I look back, I was thinking of stopping trade after making enough profit. But the reason I decided not to do so had once again some very special meaning to it.

I guess today was the day to feel and realize the power of rapport. When I was having an NLP session with my sister-in-law this morning, I noticed for the first time in my whole life that she had been mirroring my swaying back and front to maintain high performance. That was impressive enough for me to satisfy my quality of work as a coach. When I took John's 6-day workshop this May, I had no client. Nor did I ever want to help/coach others professionally. My sole purpose was to see one of the founders of NLP. Besides, I was very much impressed by his work and its ethical implication of New Code NLP. The more I learn it, the more I adopt myself into the way of living based on New Code NLP. I fell in love with this set of ideas, and that was my destiny.

Going back to my trade story today, by the time I was ready to close my pc, I happened to take a look at my old picture taken with my husband almost 13 years ago in Boston. Looking at his gentle face and our happy smile, I bursted into tears like a flashback. And soon I realized that the meaning of my bad performance today was a metaphor for me once again. When I was looking at my trade log, I couldn't stop feeling exhausted because of the number of trades I attempted without much success. Today's performance was bad because it wasn't efficient.

First, I saw the meaning of my May trade performance, "the importance of mastering appropriate states for each context necessary" as recommended personally and publicly to me by Carmen. Given my personality, if May's performance turned out to be superb, I would tend to forget to work on my state issue. No matter how much I make myself believe that trade is a pure "PROCESS" game, and as long as I think that way, the big success will come into my life, I still want to check up my profit sheet to make sure if I make money or not. Why do I care about the consequence before focusing on its process? This is a incongruency which I need to avoid no matter what.

When I was thinking about my behavior, I wanted to cry, or maybe I did so because I somehow wanted to get rid of my negative energy flowing inside my body. There was nothing besides crying I could think of. When I was crying, I suddenly came to realize that what my husband really wanted was just a sincere support when he was in need. He didn't want any money or food. He didn't need any compliment or a free house. What he thought he deserved to have as a husband was just a support from his wife.

And having experienced the power of rapport this morning, I also could understand how rapport can let me become very supportive naturally. I guess one of my biggest obstacles in life was not to want to create rapport even with my closest person such as husband. Maybe I was living in my own world where distrust to people was the fundamental philosophy. Or maybe my frustration and dilemma between trusting somebody special and not trusting him had a very deep meaning to my existence. As said in NLP, everything has a positive intention. If that is true, then my distrust at the deepest level is a way to protect me from getting hurt. Even though its possible consequence might not have sounded right in some occasions, I was stubborn enough to avoid any other ideas besides that.

Since I came to realize what my husband really wanted when he had decided to start his business, I felt like I could step a little further into achieving my personal goal to create a much better relationship with him. It was not that I loved him but I didn't know how to love him. Rather, I didn't even understand what love was, and thus I had never loved anyone besides myself. I was glad that finally I could came to understand my issue rooted back in my childhood. Of course, I didn't have to find out the cause of my issues or to connect any past event to my current sates. But this process of realization came very naturally to me, and so I've decided to write about it.

I guess "Rapport and Support" are my exciting challenge this year besides my sate issue:) Oh well, it's better to realize I have more issues so that I can improve myself more and more...