Yes, I Wanted to Do, But Not Really So...

Recently I've finally realized that the last thing I needed to do to change my fatal patterns in trading would be to practice to execute other patterns over and over again. I was hyponotized to believe the power of practice by John many many times during his workshop; but the reality, or rather the strong defense by my unconscious, seemed to be so persuasive not to really believe so. Or I can say somehow I have this dilemma between my desire to practice to change my behavior on an unconscious level and my hesitance to pursue the change process at the same time. I did not try Visual Squash this time to integrate these opposite emotions; but the moment of realization suddenly came to my mind the night before.

I guess this sudden change in my perception is so-called the authentic integration of conscious and unconscious. It was like a thunder lightening on my head. The sensation was so radical that I felt as if something was really controlling my mind and body. I could not stop writing my clear understanding of my issue in trading and its possible solution.

We humans are so congruent in that we cannot do the things happily if we don't really want to. Of course we have developed some ways to fight against our unconscious screaming by ignoring it. But in the long run, we will find its consequence whether expected or not, and sooner or later...

Up until my true realization that I have finally been able to work on the integration of my conscious and unconscious, my behavioral pattern in trading was more or less the same, and its result was my unchanged equity over a couple of months. I tried very hard, no matter how conscious level the attempt was made on, I had no choice. I did not want to try anything else besides my old habitual pattern, and I could not even imagine if I could do anything else. And this feeling of having no choice is exactly the symptom of a one-tracked mind.

Why people remain so stubborn no matter how unsuccessful that pattern has been? Because they dare to imagine that they could get the same "state" by doing something else. If I could not increase nor decrease my equity, there must have been something that I had wanted to maintain the state of balance. Even though I attempted to increase my equity, I could not; but it did not reduce it either. Somehow my total equity was in balance over a couple of months. It was strange, but once I realized the positive intention of my behavior, which still seems to be very difficult, I suddenly saw myself acting in a totally new behavior.

I opened a demo account at my Forex broker without any hesitation, and started to trade at a bigger scale. I was quite amazed at the rapid change I went through, but I am very confident that I've decided to take on a new path only because I have nothing to be incongruent about. It took longer than I expected, but this was the thing I wanted so longingly since the first day I took an NLP practitioner course. Even though I haven't achieved anything so big in trading, I can see myself as a very very successful super trader.